


Tumblr Roundup

by Droewyn



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (So...You Know... Normal), AGE OF THE SQUEAK BABY, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angry Yuuri, Angst, As Far As You Know Anyway, Cao Bin Facts, Christmas, Confirmation from Word of God Is Always Good, Cooking Headcanons, Crispino Accidental Music-Swap AU, Detroit Days Headcanons, Detroit days, Dime-a-Dozen Onsen/Airship Dock Employee and Definitely-Not-A-Spark Yuuri, Everyone Reads Fanfiction, Everyone writes fanfiction, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff, Foul-Mouthed Cupid Yuri Plisetsky, Girl Genius AU, Halloween, Happy Birthday Katsuki Yuuri, Happy Birthday Victor Nikiforov, Hashtag Abuse, Headcanon, Hurt No Comfort, Leverage AU, Like Chuck Norris Facts Only Cao Bin Isn't a Horrible Person, M/M, Michele Is Suffering, Multi, Other Than That Katsuki-san How Did You Enjoy the Festival?, Phantom Thief AU, Phichit Calls Victor Out On His Smut, Phichit and Victor Try to Out-Extra Each Other, Phichit and Yurio Buddy Cop Movie, Photo Chapter, Poleaxed Victor, Post-Retirement Headcanon, Proud Yuuri, Rivalry, Romantic Microfiction, Sara Is Living, Sassy Katsuki Yuuri, Shameless Self-Indulgence, Shovel Talk, Sky Pirate Victor, Sky Pirate Yurio, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Thanksgiving, The Perfect Man, Thief AU, Time Travel, Timeline Meta, Totally Serious Battle For Yuuri's Heart, Valentine's Day, Vicchan Can Send You Back In Time, Victor Nikiforov Has Freckles, Victor Still Doesn't Know How To Handle Crying Boys, Victor Writes RPF, Victor Writes Smut, Video Game Headcanons, You'll Need to Read the Facts To Know For Sure, Yurio Hates Animal Cruelty, Yuuri Says No To Onsen On Ice AU, Yuuri and Phichit Went to Wayne State, angry Yurio, nendoroids, sorry I don't make the rules - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 20:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 12,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9675095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Droewyn/pseuds/Droewyn
Summary: A centralized place to keep the YOI tumblr headcanon and drabble posts that live in my head but aren't really fleshed out enough to stand on their own (yet?).





	1. Friends Don't Let Friends Participate In Animal Abuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri Plisetsky cares about cats SO MUCH YOU GUYS.

The boys are out shopping and come across one of those traveling attractions where you can get your picture taken with a baby tiger. Yuuri and Victor expect Yurio to be all over it and are shocked when he launches into a 20-minute rage-filled typhoon of swearing about abuse and poor conditions and forced early weaning and don’t you know that most of these cats get euthanized once they’re too old to be cute and manageable and he’s so pissed off that he’s almost crying and now Yuuri’s tearing up too because oh my god the poor little babies I had no idea and Victor whips out his phone and makes a huge-ass donation to a big cat sanctuary because he doesn’t know what else to do before tucking one adorable weeping mess under each arm and gently steering them back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though, don't give money to exotic animal attractions. They're all horrible and should be illegal.


	2. Shovel Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone wants to protect Yuuri. EVERYONE.

After the Cup of China, Victor starts getting the shovel talk from EVERYONE who has ever been close to Yuuri. Except for Mama and Papa Katsuki because they’re too sweet and clueless, and Minami because he’d never see his idol as needing protection in the first place. Phichit corners Victor at the banquet. Celestino passes along a message through Yakov. Other former Detroit rinkmates @ him on carefully worded vaguetweets. Mari calls Yuuri and asks to talk to Victor in the guise of giving him a Makkachin update. Yurio sends a string of profanity-laden texts calling Victor a moron (not that different from usual, really). The triplets upload a YouTube video in which they silently and simultaneously drag their fingers across their throats (the video is later discovered by the creepypasta community and goes viral). Minako gets Victor drunk and vulnerable at the hotel bar. Back in Hasetsu, Yuko and Takeshi flank him while he’s watching Yuuri skate.

Yuuri is oblivious to all of this.

Victor is touched at first, then amused, and finally completely and utterly terrified for his life.


	3. Victor and Phichit's Dress-Up Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit and Victor get to be totally dramatically extra AND fluster Yuuri. WHO LOSES HERE?

Yuuri has a t-shirt that reads “Precious Cinnamon Roll - If Found, Please Return to Phichit”. Phichit gave it to him for his birthday on the second year they were living together. Yuuri only wore it outside of their dorm once – to the Detroit Zoo – and that was only after some seriously epic begging, guilt tripping, threatened tears, and a promise that it wouldn’t end up on Instagram.

To this day, Phichit swears that he was actually trying to photograph the red pandas. 

Yuuri never told Phichit but he sometimes wore the shirt as pajamas when he was lonely after moving back to Hasetsu.

When Victor finally discovers it at the bottom of a drawer in St. Petersburg, of course he immediately has to make his own personalized shirt to give to Yuuri. More tears, more begging, more crossed-fingers promises of social media silence, and suddenly a poor bewildered Yuuri finds himself in the middle of a shirt slogan arms race as his best friend and fiance try to bury him in custom clothing that he’s far too embarrassed to ever wear any of.

 

#The idea of Phichit and Victor liking one another as they get better acquainted  
#And then staging this totally friendly but super dramatic rivalry for Yuuri's heart  
#Gives me life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, this is where I started putting half of the post in the tags. I blame Jet Wolf.


	4. Hashtag Abuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, I have a problem.

Also, and I don’t honestly know why this is a hill I am willing to die on because I went to MSU myself, but Yuuri and Phichit graduated from Wayne State University. I will fight you all.

 

#Maybe because I really want the two of them to be in the actual city

#Rather than a suburb

#So it's either Wayne State or U of D

#Also this is unrelated

#But I really desperately need some art of Christophe posing suggestively in front of 'The Fist'

#AKA the Monument to Joe Louis

#Look it up if you don't know what it is

#And tell me that Chris wouldn't be all over that

#With Phichit to document it

#And Yuuri dying of shame on the sidelines

#Anyway we need more Detroit Days stuff

#That's actually familiar with the city

#Not that Chris lived in Detroit

#But I headcanon that he and Phichit have been friends for a long time

#So maybe he visited while in the US for Skate America one year

#I mean Yuuri's already on a first name basis with him in 2016

#And there's no way he'd be confident or comfortable enough to introduce himself in competition

#And he still doesn't remember the banquet

#So they have to have met some other way

#AND PHICHIT KNOWS EVERYBODY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd also really love to see some art of Yuuri wearing a Wayne State sweatshirt.


	5. Victuuri After Retirement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why on earth would you stay in St. Petersburg if you don't have to, particularly when potential students will be coming to you?

After they’ve both finally retired, Victor and Yuuri move back to Hasetsu for good. Victor pays to have Ice Castle renovated into a top tier facility, so that it will be able to support a stable of skating students. The Nishigoris try to offer free rink time in gratitude; Victor and Yuuri both insist on paying rent. The triplets get free coaching for life, though. They and Minami are the first students.

Victor’s not the best coach by himself (anyone not in love with him would have drowned him in the onsen after two weeks let’s be real here), but Yuuri is a master at diverting him when he starts getting too extra and they’re actually really great as a team. 

Their students are a mix of wealthy talent (to pay the bills) and kids who really really love skating but would never have the means to pay for coaching otherwise. At first relations between the two groups are rough but it’s made clear that bullying will not be tolerated and Yuuri is fucking SCARY when he goes all mama bear. Once the worst troublemaker is sent home in shame and a real family dynamic is established, every single skater will defend it to the death against anyone who tries to stir shit up.

They hire Minako to give the kids the dance foundation that they need to support their skating; being attached to the Katsuki-Nikiforov name solidifies her reputation as a serious instructor and she winds up with enough students that she doesn’t have to run the bar anymore. She’s so much happier when she can devote all of her time to dance.

About half of Yutopia is converted into student dormitories, and with so many permanent residents, the onsen’s future is secure. Hiroko is over the moon having so many under-twenties to mother and basically adopts them all. The Katsukis would probably need to hire help, except Victor and Yuuri establish to the kids that the onsen isn’t a hotel for them and everyone is expected to clean up their own spaces and help with communal chores like cooking and cleaning the bathrooms and spring area.

Every April after Worlds is a kind of skater homecoming. At first it’s just the “extended family” who come stay for several weeks of relaxation, catching up, and ridiculous peacocking at Ice Castle – Phichit, Christophe, Yuri, and Otabek – but it’s not long before the rest of the Russians invade, and then Phichit brings Leo and Guang Hong with him one year, and eventually even JJ is insisting that someone invited him. As the students start competing in the international circuit and making friends with their peers the circle widens a bit further, but Yuuri’s uncomfortable with too many unknown faces (and the onsen’s stuffed to the gills with skaters already) so an invitation to Yutopia in April is an exclusive privilege outside of the core group and being in possession of one is to know that you have Fucking Arrived.

Tourism is up, the population of Hasetsu stops bleeding off and actually increases, there’s ice cream for everyone, their crops are thriving, everyone’s skin is clear, avocados stop turning into brown mush all over the world, Makkachin never ever dies, and Yuuri occasionally still worries that this is all just some kind of really long and elaborate dream that he’s going to wake up from in a minute… but only occasionally.

But seriously, who the fuck invited JJ?


	6. Fantasy Meet Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pressures of royalty too much for him, Prince Yuuri of Yutopia is hiding out in the neighboring kingdom of Rus, dressed as a commoner.
> 
>  
> 
> Written for this royalty AU: 
> 
> http://skygemspeaks.tumblr.com/post/157364466353/yoi-royalty-au-in-which-18-year-old-yuuri-is-the

Prince Victor's official portrait doesn't do him justice.

Yuuri is used to the lies that artists tell.  Their works are stylized things, meant to flatter their royal patrons while reassuring the lower orders and giving them something to be proud of.  Hell, Yuuri's own portrait is practically unrecognizable with its impossibly regal gaze unmarred by a flawed human prince's glasses, never mind his insecurities.  So he's always assumed the icy beauty of the Nikiforov heir to be equally exaggerated.

That the man could be even more breathtaking in the flesh than in his icon?  It's not only impossible, it's _unfair_.

The prince is addressing his subjects from an improvised dais, only feet away from the crowd in the square.  Yuuri would be terrified to be eye to eye with so many strangers, but Victor's smile is easy as he thanks the people for their hard work during the recent harvest and offers his wishes for a joyous festival.  It's a good speech made even better by its evident sincerity.  Prince Victor cares about his people and they love him for it; the smiles on the faces of the townsfolk are far more open than is required by duty. 

Yuuri is surprised to find a matching grin on his own face.  The harvest festival in Rus comes with no expectations, no responsibilities, no minders, no _Prince Yuuri_.  And that thought makes him almost as giddy as aquamarines over a heart-shaped smile.

Then he hears it.  It's the softest of sounds, nearly swallowed in the noises of the day, but it's one that Captain Minako has ensured that her charge would recognize in his sleep: the soft, deadly whisper of whipcord stretching against a wooden frame.

There's no time to think, only react, and Yuuri whirls, flinging himself toward the crossbow and its wielder.  "Help!  Guards!" he shrieks as he and the assassin go sprawling.  He's on top of the man's legs and he fists one hand in a dirty tunic to keep him pinned while reaching blindly for the weapon with the other.  He has just enough time to grasp the arm holding the crossbow when he feels it jerk, and suddenly his shoulder is ablaze with white-hot pain.  The townsfolk are screaming, panicking, and Yuuri doesn't know if it's one of them who kicks him in the face or the bowman ensuring that he won't be followed as he squirms out of the prince's shock-slackened grip, but either way Yuuri's absurd play at heroism is finished.  He instinctively curls in on himself, his entire world reduced to pain and shouts and the metallic scent of his own blood.

Moments pass in a fog, and then there are hands on him.  Agitated hands, fingers digging in too tightly, rolling him onto his back.  Yuuri whimpers but forces his eyes open.  And stares.

"Oh my god, you have freckles."  It's the first thing that springs to mind.  It's the stupidest thing he could possibly say.  It's also, thankfully, in his native tongue.  Yuuri swallows, licks his lips, and tries again.  "Your highness.  Are you all right?"  His Rus, usually perfect, comes out rough and accented.

Prince Victor blinks down at him.  "Thanks to you," he murmurs.  "You saved my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr tags:
> 
> #please consider though
> 
> #that if Prince Yuuri learned the language of his country's closest neighbor
> 
> #Prince Victor probably did the same


	7. RPF Is So Weird When You Think About It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor spends the time between the Sochi banquet and Worlds reading naughty fanfiction. And writing naughty fanfiction.

After the Sochi banquet, Victor tried to Google Yuuri only to discover that the man had all the social media presence of a grandchildless baby boomer.  He did stumble upon Phichit’s Instagram, which he promptly started stalking via his private account… and his search also uncovered fanfiction.  RPF fanfiction.  Erotic RPF fanfiction.  A _lot_ of it.  And holy shit that was exactly what he’d needed when the real Yuuri bombed out of Japanese Nationals and Victor realized that they wouldn’t be meeting again at Worlds.

Simply reading was fine for a while, but eventually he found himself needing to comment (because PWP is fine and all but if you’re going to try to throw around skating terms you need to actually have some basic knowledge of the sport – the 6.0 scoring system has been gone for over a _decade_ for fuck’s sake and seriously, Google is a thing that exists!  Although it must be admitted that the old joke of the Russian judge being difficult to impress did make for some _quality innuendo_ ).  So Victor created an account with a safely generic username.  Strictly for commenting, of course.  Commenting and kudosing.  And subscriptions.  And bookmarks.  It was _definitely not_ for writing.  Even if literally nobody got Victor’s relationship with Chris anywhere close to right (in bed or out of it) and the seemingly universal depiction of a timid and virginal Katsuki Yuuri was just so goddamn _laughable_ …

He got drunk, okay?  Yakov had been extra critical during practice while Yuri Plisetsky alternated between sullen anger and dropping hints that the kid was clearly expecting would mean _something_ to Victor.  When Mila’s hockey-playing girlfriend showed up and the two of them disappeared into the locker room together, it was easy to sneak away during their coach’s inevitable explosion.  Because it was all just so fucking _pointless_.  So Victor went home, and he got drunk, and suddenly there were three thousand words in English about laughing cinnamon-cocoa eyes and a body that created its own music and _why_ _not_ just hit the post button at that point?  The thing existed now after all, and he’d frankly felt more alive while writing it than he’d had in weeks.

_“WTF this is the most OOC thing I’ve ever seen lol”_

_“HOW DARE YOU YUURI-SAMA IS THE PUREST MOST PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL TO EVER HAVE WALKED THE EARTH HE WOULD NEVER EVEN KNOW WHAT A STRIPPER POLE LOOKS LIKE NEVER ATTACK HIS BEAUTIFUL INNOCENCE HOW DARE HOW DARE HOW DARE”_

_“Ugh, why don’t you go write a/b/o Plisetsky fics like the other weirdos?”_

_“I find it hard to believe that any formal event much less an ISU-sponsored banquet would be equipped for pole dancing”_ …Okay, that one was entirely fair since most people didn’t know about the oddly specific real-life superpower that allowed Christophe Giacometti to materialize impossible NSFW objects on demand. 

But there were some kudos and positive comments as well, and then HamsterToeLoop left an amazingly supportive review and holy shit they were one of Victor’s favorite authors and if _they_ were encouraging him to keep writing then maybe it wasn’t literally the worst idea ever.  And besides, he was having fun.  So he wrote another story, a sweet and fluffy little Phichiyuu ‘fic that he knew that HTL would like, and gifted it to them as a thank-you.  HTL quickly reciprocated with what they insisted on referring to as ‘spicy katsudon’, and before Victor knew it, LoveOfTheIce had a friend.  And a rather large bibliography.

The problem with creating a body of work around fading memories of a single (amazing) alcohol-fueled evening and YouTube's library of competition clips is that you wind up with way too much F in your RP.  Real!Yuuri was a surprise.  A good one, once Victor got it into his thick skull that he wasn't ever going to be some kind of Japanese Christophe.  But actually living with the man in question made Victor sit down and reflect on the sheer awkward weirdness of what he'd been doing for the last few months.  It takes a certain caliber of person to write self-indulgent smut about someone once you know that they store their toothbrush in an ancient plastic My Melody mug, and Victor quickly discovered that he was not that man.  But if Yuuri wasn't a living incubus, neither was he the ice angel that his fan club saw him as, and the trouble with writing is that it's a hard habit to get out of once you've started.  Victor found himself delving into the for-him new territory of character study, and even some slice-of-life fluff.  His porn-loving followers weren't impressed, but he was never writing for them anyway, and his new focus was helping him get a handle on his own feelings.

Shortly after Yuuri's announcement of his theme (or what Mari referred to as the nationally televised equivalent of sticking a note in Victor's locker asking him to check a box if he _like_ -liked him), HamsterToeLoop gifted LoveOfTheIce a fic out of the blue.  And... it was odd.  It was short for HTL, just nine hundred words, and consisted of a single scene: Phichit Chulanont giving Victor Nikiforov the classic shovel talk.  "I've been friends with Chris for years; do you think he wouldn't mention the GPF banquet?" the fictional _(?!)_ Phichit remarked.  Victor didn't delete his account in a panic, but that was mostly because after everything he'd heard about Yuuri's BFF he was pretty sure the man had backups of all of it anyway.  He did leave a carefully neutral comment thanking the writer for giving him something to think about.

How did Yuuri find out in the end?  Victor had no idea, but the love of his life hadn't blushed like that in ages.  He threatened to disown both Victor and Phichit.  He threatened to move in with Yakov.  Hell, he threatened to move in with _Yuri_.  But the outrage blew over as it always did -- Yuuri never could stay mad with either of them for very long -- and if a handful of very old Victor Nikiforov / Reader fics quietly vanished off of AO3?  Neither Phichit nor Victor noticed or would have thought anything of it if they had.


	8. Yuri!!! (And Everyone Else) On Fire (Not Literally)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cooking headcanon for each character. Sorry if Yuuri's comes off as needlessly combative.

I don’t get the number of fics I’ve read in which Yuuri can’t cook.  He grew up in the hospitality business – at the very least he can cook anything that his mother serves!  And comfort food is important to him, so when he sees others upset his first instinct is to feed them.  Cooking will never quiet his anxiety in the same way that skating or dancing does because it isn’t physical enough, but it’s definitely soothing in its own way.  Bottom line: Yuuri can goddamn COOK!

Victor, on the other hand, is a _menace_ in the kitchen.  Never mind that he takes the same more-is-more approach that he does in every other aspect of his life (it turns out that there is a critical mass of chocolate chips beyond which point there is no longer a possibility of “cookie” so much as a vaguely-cookie-flavored puddle of melted chocolate, go figure); no, the problem is that patience and focus are not skills he’s particularly interested in using off of the ice and after the third time the fire department showed up because Victor got distracted by a shiny thing Yakov had someone come in and disconnect the stove.  Fortunately his food plans ensure that he’ll never need to use anything more dangerous than the microwave anyway.

Yuri never had much interest in cooking, but recently he’s started asking his grandpa to teach him.  Starting with pirozhkis of course, but when he sees the way that _dedushka_ lights up at the request he suddenly has a burning need to learn _everything_.  It’s a wonderful way to spend time together, and Yuri tries not to think about how much or little time his grandfather might have left…

Phichit has no interest in cooking.  That’s what restaurants are for.  This does not stop him from having over four thousand recipes pinned on Pintrest.

Of course Christophe can cook.  It’s a prime tool in his arsenal of seduction, but really he just enjoys indulging himself.  And while he could write an entire recipe book on dishes that are meant to evoke specific feelings (or are just stuffed to the gills with rumored aphrodisiacs), his guilty pleasure and secret weakness is tuna noodle casserole made with condensed soup and canned peas.

How could Seung-gil _not_ love to cook?  It’s all numbers and science in the pursuit of perfection.  Following a recipe is the first step, of course – with no variables like the weakness of human muscles a flawless outcome is ensured every time – but learning the whys behind the formulas opens up unlimited potential for logical experimentation.  And… it just makes him happy, okay?

JJ’s thoroughly average in the kitchen, and he doesn’t mind a bit.  He makes a mean plate of spaghetti and his chili is outstanding, but anything containing eggs winds up a total disaster and he relies too much on shortcuts (instant gravies, condensed soups, frozen vegetable mixes) to ever really impress.  But Isabella tells him that everything he makes for her is wonderful, and even though he knows she’s being kind that’s good enough for him.

Otabek… Hmm.  He’s tough.  I think Otabek is too focused on other aspects of his life to really pay attention to what goes in his mouth.  He _likes_ good food, but it’s not super high on his priority list.  That said, he’s a perfectly adequate cook and can make pretty much anything so long as he has a recipe for it.

Emil has been learning how to make Italian cuisine to try and impress a certain someone.  Michele thinks he knows who that is (and is super pissed off about it) but he’s kind of a clueless idiot.

Mila throws herself into cooking the same way she does with everything else: with ferocity.  She likes her flavors bold, and what she calls “bold” everyone else calls “basically inedible” and “what the fuck ghost peppers are not a vegetable are you trying to kill me”.  Phichit became her favorite person ever when he declared that her curry was “Not bad.  Warmish.”

The idea of cooking has never really occurred to Georgi.  Anya always did all of the cooking and it was always so amazing _oh god Anya why did you leave me_ _ANYAAAAAAAAAAA_

Guang Hong was visiting Leo in America when Leo got invited to one of those cooking parties at Sur la Table.  Leo was going to cry off but Guang Hong insisted that he go; Leo demanded that they go together.  It was a wonderful evening and they had so much fun.  Leo snuck a picture of Guang Hong with flour dusting his cheeks.  They both secretly wish that they could do this together every day but are too shy to confess to the other one.

Michele is too hung up on gender roles to cook anything beyond heating things up.  He needs to get over it.  Among other things.  Sara is a perfectly fine cook but she’s been refusing to do so lately, mostly to annoy her brother vis-a-vis the gender role thing.

Kenjiro’s still a kid and doesn’t have much opportunity to cook.  But he knows that katsudon is Yuuri’s favorite food and is determined to be able to make it for him the next time that they meet.


	9. On Anal Retentiveness: Timelines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on a time travel AU, so I needed to figure out the canon continuity prior to Episode 1.
> 
> There's a small problem with that.
> 
> My head hurts now.

In real life, Sochi’s GPF took place during the 2012-13 season.  The GPF was held in Fukuoka in 2013-14, and Barcelona was 2014-15.  This works if you take the “one year later” subtitle from Episode 1 at face value; Yuuri took the 2013-14 season off to finish school and officially broke off his relationship with Celestino sometime during that year.  Elapsed time between Sochi and returning to Hasetsu?  About fifteen months.

Here’s the problem.  Yuuri says that he’s 23 years old in his Sochi expository monologue, not 22.  Also, consider Yuri Plisetsky.  In the bathroom scene he said that he would be competing in Seniors next season.  As in, the one immediately following this one.  Then of course there’s Victor, who skated Stammi Vicino at Sochi (assumption based on his costume in ep 1), and then again at the Worlds that took place when Yuuri was back in Hasetsu.  Wearing the same FS costume for two years in a row is not the good kind of surprising for PCS scoring (and it’s not like Yakov would allow it anyway), so I’m not even going to pretend that’s plausible.  And not to throw shade on Drunken!Katsudon’s Victor-seducing prowess, but I just can’t believe that the guy would have passively pined away for well over a year on the strength of _maybe_ a couple hours of sexy banquet shenanigans while also skating through a whole ‘nother boring season of lifeless perfection.  So either Barcelona’s GPF season directly follows Sochi’s and there are no more than at maximum _four_ months between the Sochi GPF and Victor flying to Japan, or we have to believe that the Russians’ lives were straight-up on pause for an entire year of totally unexplained arrested development.  Which makes _no_ narrative sense given anything else we see in the series ever.

This is an unreconcilable plot hole if YOI is set in the real world and it makes the part of me that obsesses over proper continuity (so, like, 90% of my actual brain) really, really sad.

So here is my Official Headcanon Pre-Ep 1 Timeline that I will be using in all of my fiction.  It uses the following assumptions: **1) YOI can not and does not take place in the real world** (which we pretty much knew anyway given the YOIverse’s gender/orientation politics or lack thereof) and **2) YOI S01 takes place over the course of the 2016-2017 season** because setting it in the present helps stop me from obsessing over that missing Fukuoka year and giving myself massive headaches trying to make everything fit.  And it makes things easier to start from the present when I’m trying to calculate past and future ages and stuff.  And because it’s my timeline and I said so.

 

December 2015

  * Wayne State University mid-year Commencement Ceremony*
  * Grand Prix Final (Sochi)
  * Japanese Figure Skating Championships



March 2016

  * Yuuri returns to Hasetsu after completing his make-up coursework and receiving his degree.



April 2016

  * Yuuri’s Stammi Vicino video goes viral
  * Victor arrives in Hasetsu



 

 

*Yuuri and Phichit both attend WSU (I will continue to fight you all).  And while Japan recognizes an April-March school year, America doesn’t.  So my in-universe rationalization for Yuuri hanging around for three months after mid-year graduation is that he had to take a lot of leave during the Grand Prix series and while the school allowed him to attend commencements he still had to make up quite a bit of coursework before he could truly graduate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr tags:
> 
> #some people can apparently write fiction that's set in a specific place and time without having to look up the exact weather conditions and moon phase
> 
> #i envy those people


	10. Something Something Leverage I Can't Think of a Clever Title for This One Sue Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While driving to work today I found myself wondering if I could pull a workable Leverage team from the YOI main cast.
> 
> Spoilers: Yes. Yes, I can.

**Victor**

·         I’m going to eliminate **Hitter** and **Hacker** for Vitya off the bat.  He’s a lover, not a fighter, and the role of muscle doesn’t suit him at all.  As for being a computer specialist?  He can’t program a DVR.  Hell, he can barely operate the _microwave_ beyond x minutes on high heat.  That leaves us with Mastermind, Grifter, and Thief, and I can see him succeeding in any of these roles.  

·         As a **Thief** , he’s the best at what he does.  Maybe (probably) the best ever.  He’s got Michelangelo’s David tucked away in his bathroom.  He uses it to hold his towel when he’s in the shower.  Why?  Why not? It’s not like anyone even knows it was stolen.

·         Victor has a mask for every occasion, which makes him an excellent **Grifter**.  He can cry on command, has no problem seducing anything even remotely humanoid, and doesn’t lose his cool under pressure.  His only problem is that he’s too memorable; if his cover ever gets blown he is _fucked_ because people will be lining up to accurately describe him to the authorities.

·         I really hesitated with considering him for the role of **Mastermind** , because he really is a lousy coach.  But what Victor sucks at is _instruction_ , and his team already knows their own specialties just fine. What they need is a leader, and when it comes to planning (choreography!) Victor’s _unparalleled_.  He knows everyone’s strengths and weaknesses, and knows exactly how to wield them to best effect.  And contingency plans?  He has _so many_ contingency plans.  There is no Plan M, though, because there are no acceptable losses.

 

 

**Yuuri**

·         Let’s start with Hell No: **Hitter** and **Mastermind**.  Yuuri’s even less suited to hurting people than Victor is, and as for a leadership role? Even if he has the skills, he has the hardest time telling people what to do.  Offering criticism?  Horrors. And the first time someone got hurt on his watch would _break_ him.

·         As a **Hacker** , he’s… meh.  Fine, I guess?  It’s not a hard no, I could see him being perfectly adequate at computer stuff, but there are better jobs for this cinnamon roll.

·         Such as **Thief** , for instance.  Cat-burglar Yuuri is my aesthetic. He has the skills, he has the flexibility, he can basically wear the Eros costume without the sparkly bits…

·         But please consider Yuuri as a **Grifter**.  He’s so timid, so nervous, but all he needs is a script and a backstory and he vanishes into a character so completely that “Yuuri” all but disappears.  And _nobody_ notices the nerdy glasses kid in the crowd later.  He’s not the best at changing gears on the fly, but with Victor talking him through the job in his earpiece, there’s nothing he can’t handle.

 

 

**Yuri**

·         Yuri is neither a **Grifter** nor a **Mastermind**.  He wears his emotions on his face 24/7, so any con more involved than “oh my god what’s that behind you” is right out.  And as “patience” and “tact” are… certainly words in a dictionary… he’s not going to be inspiring anyone to follow him basically ever.

·         I place his **Hacking** aptitude on the same level as Yuuri’s. I’ve read plenty of fics that has him as the computer guy, and there’s nothing wrong with him in the role, except that he’s so much better utilized elsewhere.

·         I mean he’s the most obvious **Hitter** ever, right?  He expresses himself almost entirely through anger and violence, but has hints of a sweet side peeking through.  Slam dunk, case closed, stick a fork in him because he’s done… _unless_ …

·         _Unless_ , and stay with me here because this is gonna be good, Yuri is our **Thief**. He’s little.  He’s fearless.  He’s agile. He’s flexible as hell.  He also has some unspecified tragedy in his past involving family that left him with deep-seated abandonment issues and an inability to express emotions in a healthy manner.  Please imagine him excitedly telling Yuuri about how he managed to get through dinner with a mark without stabbing the guy in the leg with a fork.  This isn’t even a question of role suitability; _Yuri Plisetsky is goddamn Parker on figure skates and I will fight you all._

 

**Phichit**

·         Do not even try to imagine Phichit as a **Hitter**. It’s bad and wrong and we all need to light a hamster candle to dispel the bad luck that the very suggestion summoned forth into the universe.  Shame on all of us for increasing entropy.

·         He’d do well as either a **Grifter** or a **Thief** , I think.  I don’t think his range of potential characters would be as broad as Victor’s, but he has charisma to spare and could talk his way out of pretty much anything.  Burglary makes him happy, but he doesn’t like it when he has to resort to explosives. Picking the lock or slipping past the guards is much more his style.

·         **Mastermind** Phichit is one of my strongest headcanons. He knows everyone.  He’s _friends_ with everyone.  He knows how people think at an instinctive level and Benign Manipulation For Great Justice is something that he lives for.  But in the end he doesn’t have the ruthlessness necessary for this particular mastermind job, and besides…

·         Phichit is not just the **Hacker** that we need, he’s the one we deserve.  From running a legion of social media catfish accounts to hacking the Pentagon, he not only can do it all, but he pretty much has.  And he knows absolutely nothing about how the government of Iceland wound up funding a multimillion dollar ice skating show in Bangkok, honest.

 

 

**Otabek**

·         Our “no”s for Otabek are the **Grifter** and **Thief** roles, for much the same reason.  He’s intensely straightforward and has neither the interest nor the inclination for any tasks requiring delicacy or nuance.

·         He’s another ‘eh, whatever’ **Hacker**.  We all know it’s Phichit, let’s stop pretending otherwise.

·         I honestly do not have enough of a read on Otabek to know how he’d do as a **Mastermind**.  I kind of feel like he’d have a hard time with coordinating that many disparate personalities.

·         He’s our perfect **Hitter** , though.  He doesn’t enjoy violence, but he excels at it and tries to make sure that it’s for the right reasons.  He comes off as cold and hard at first, but is fiercely loyal to his team once they’ve won his trust.

 

 

**Final Team:**

Mastermind – Victor

Grifter – Yuuri

Hacker – Phicit

Hitter – Otabek

Thief – Yuri

 

 

  **Bonus** :

Please enjoy the idea of **Christophe** as James Sterling. Victor’s ex-colleague and frenemy who rose to prominence after Victor quit his career and now appears periodically to fuck up the team’s plans.

Also, **JJ** as the leader of the rival heist gang that Wil Wheaton’s character worked for in that one episode with the art gallery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr tags:
> 
> #i don't actually have anything planned for this now
> 
> #because i'm already working on like six actual fics and adding more would be insane
> 
> #so if anyone else wants to run with this please be my guest
> 
> #just please tag me so that i can see it and squee


	11. Still Thinking about Leverage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple more tumblr posts about Leverage. With bonus hashtag abuse!

**Alternate suggestion for your consideration:**

 

 

#OKAY BUT PLEASE IMAGINE

#chris: 'i encountered him in the bathroom'

#chris: 'he was wearing ermengildo zegna pants'

#phichit: 'how do you know'

#chris: 'THE ZIPPER HAS A VERY DISTINCTIVE SOUND'

 

 

 

**~     ~     ~**

 

 

 

**I can't stop thinking about this please kill me**

 

So AU Victor and Yuuri meet roughly the same way that Nate and Sophie did, only Yuuri was posing as a stripper in order to infiltrate the house party where the art he was planning on stealing was being kept.  He knew Victor was the insurance investigator and gave him a lap dance before slipping off upstairs and _because he was in character the whole time_ he was able to do it with no nerves.

 

“Mr. Nikiforov… how badly do you want to hurt the insurance company that let your dog die?”

 

Re Yuri: “That boy is twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag.”

 

Also, Phichit totally once destroyed someone’s computer by freezing it on a splash screen of a cartoon hamster with the caption _Age of the Squeak, Baby_.

 

 

 

#please brain i'm begging you

#just let me finish the tamlin story

#or the time travel story

#or the girl genius au

#or the vampire story

#or the social justice abo thing

#or the shameless ot3 smut

#or LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE

#before flooding my consciousness with new ideas

#because i have fifteen million projects AND NOTHING IS GETTING DONE

 

 


	12. Pac-Man Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Video game headcanons for Yuuri, Yuri, Victor, and Phichit.

**Yuuri** :

Yuuri is mainly a console player and enjoys a wide range of game genres including action/adventure, survival horror, platformers, and walking simulators.  He prefers JRPGs over WRPGs, not only because of the comfort of familiar cultural tropes, but also because he finds in-depth stat micromanagement to be stressful.  When he does play **Mass Effect** or **Dark Souls** he winds up finding and following a level-up guide for his chosen role so that he doesn’t have to worry about it and can just enjoy the game mechanics and story.  Multiplayer games are where he really shines, though; he both loves and is jaw-droppingly good at them.  Yuuri rarely speaks over chat, and as a result strangers tend to assume that he’s a woman.  He never corrects them, and every time he gets a “fat/ugly/slutty” PM from a dudebro that he’s humiliated it’s like he’s been awarded a gold medal in video games (and then he reports them).  Yurio gets really pissed off on Yuuri’s behalf when he sees that behavior at first, but it’s not long before he’s in on the joke and egging the dudebros on to make them more complacent and easier to take out.  Even without taking advantage of assholes and their assumptions, Yuuri and Yurio are an unstoppable force when they’re on the same team, and there are all kinds of wild conspiracy theories and speculation on gaming forums wondering why they’ve never pursued professional e-sports.  Yuuri plays both cooperatively and competitively with Phichit, although they tend to gravitate toward more lighthearted fare like **Splatoon** so that it’s more fun for both of them. Victor flat-out refuses to compete against Yuuri because he won’t go easy on him.  Yuuri’s current favorite games are **Overwatch** , **Final Fantasy XV** , and **Breath of the Wild** , the latter of which he finds soothing (and likes to play while curled up in Victor’s lap).

 **Victor** :

Victor likes games, and he can complete most single-player AAA titles on Normal difficulty, but he’ll never be on the level of Yuuri and Yurio and that irks him to no end.  He’s also more of a PC gamer, because his parents never allowed him to own any consoles (games were frivolous and might distract him from skating) but he needed a computer for school (his games collection was hidden more carefully than his porn was).  He prefers story-driven games, particularly if there is a romance, though the contrived press-X-to-sexytimes-if-enough-friendship-points interactions make him vaguely uncomfortable.  His favorite genres are strategy and simulations, mostly because he can pick them up and drop them whenever and doesn’t have to remember controls after being too busy to play for long stretches of time during the competition season.  He’s also recently discovered dating sims, to the horror of literally everyone after he spent a month and a half rhapsodizing about **Hatoful Boyfriend** and making bird puns.  His current favorite games are **Sims 3** (do _not_ get him started on why Sims 4 sucks – actually, best not to bring up Sims at all unless you really want to hear about ten generations of custom-profession skating sims descended from himself and Yuuri thanks to an mpreg mod), **Rimworld** , **Civilization VI** , and **Long Live the Queen**.

 **Yuri** :

Yurio plays shooters. Shooters, and hack-and-slashers, and exploders, and other _super badass_ hardcore games.  As mentioned above, he excels at competitive multiplayer, and Yuuri is his favorite partner. His Steam library is extensive thanks to sales and Humble Bundles, which is the sole reason why he has certain titles in his library.  He certainly didn’t go out of his way to buy **To the Moon** , nor does he play it at least once a year, and anyone who would dare to suggest that he might have shed actual tears over it is _getting his stupid lying ass kicked, katsudon_.   **Gone Home** and **Brothers** were also totally acquired as part of bundles.  Yurio’s current favorite games (that he’ll admit to) are **Hitman** , **Battlefield 1** , **Overwatch** , and **Neko Atsume** _because fuck you it’s awesome that’s why_.

 **Phichit** :

Phichit plays a ton on mobile, naturally, but he’s also the group’s resident Nintendo fanboy. There’s a running bet among his Bangkok rinkmates about exactly how long it’ll take for him to drop his new Switch on the ice and break it (Yuuri just shakes his head at them; in all the years he’s known Phichit, his best friend has never once dropped a piece of technology). In addition to the usual first-party Nintendo classics ( **Mario** , **Zelda** , **Pikmin** , **Pokémon** , **Splatoon** , etc.), he tends to gravitate toward the colorful and the cheerful, eschewing beige shooters or anything grimdark.  He’s an unabashed **Kingdom Hearts** fan and will happily discuss the ins and outs of the nonsensical plotlines until everyone’s eyes glaze over.  His current favorite games are **Breath of the Wild** , **Dragon Quest Builders** , anything **Katamari Damacy** -related, and, oddly enough, **Nethack** (in which he is currently working to ascend his eighth class!).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr tags:
> 
>  
> 
> #i've been trying to play breath of the wild all week
> 
> #but i've had to work late
> 
> #and my husband has been distracting me with his wiles and his alcohol
> 
> #also i've only managed to ascend four classes in nethack so far
> 
> #phichit is just that amazing
> 
> #i'm a little unsure about yuri's favorites
> 
> #because i don't do beige shooters either
> 
> #or shooters of any kind really
> 
> #but splatoon kicks ass
> 
> #and i find myself tempted by overwatch
> 
> #so if anyone has suggestions for yuri's hardcore faves
> 
> #that are definitely not indie feels games
> 
> #because everyone knows he doesn't play those
> 
> #i'm open to suggestions


	13. Can't We Just Talk This Out Calmly Like Rational Adults?  No?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I probably shouldn't be allowed to write about soulmates.

Soulmate AU in which an unscrupulous journalist managed to take a picture of Yuuri’s soulmark and leaked it when he was a teenager.  The scandal didn’t really spread outside of Japan since he wasn’t competing internationally, but he had just enough local fame at the time to attract a deluge of fans claiming to be his soulmate.  One girl went so far as to have a replica of his mark tattooed on her, and they dated (and he absolutely doted on her because Yuuri is the best boy) for well over a year before the truth came out.

She turned vicious when Yuuri confronted her, and told him that she was the only one who cared enough to be interested – that it was obvious his real soulmate didn’t want him or they’d have come forward already.

From that point on, Yuuri hid his soulmark to the point of paranoia.  He covered it at all times, even when he was alone, even when he was bathing.  He’d even tried to get a tattoo artist to cover it up, but couldn’t find one who would agree to such sacrilege.  He just wanted to forget about soulmates entirely.

So when Victor showed up naked in Hasetsu wearing Yuuri’s mark, he leapt to the conclusion that his idol was playing an extremely cruel joke on him and demanded that Victor leave.  Having no idea what the hell Yuuri was suddenly so mad about, but jet-lagged and seriously not in the mood to try and interpret the very mixed signals he’d been getting ever since Sochi, Victor’s temper flared right back.  After some back-and-forth shouting that communicated absolutely nothing helpful to either of them vis-a-vis conflict resolution, Victor insisted that he was a paying customer and was going to stay for a lovely extended vacation regardless of what Yuuri chose to do with his time.

Yuuri stormed off, and the next time anyone heard from him it was nine hours later and he was sheepishly begging Phichit to please come pick him up from  Suvarnabhumi Airport _oh and by the way I need to talk to Celestino because there’s this Russian asshole that I need to grind into sno-cone slush and it looks like I’m in the market for a coach again also do you need a roomie?_

Yuri Plisetsky’s shit-fit when he followed Victor to Japan only to discover that the guy not only forgot about choreographing his senior debut in order to chase after the other Yuuri but also said other Yuuri _wasn’t even there anymore_ was glorious and incandescent.  Like, since the invention of the ragestorm, there are five ragestorms that have been rated the most passionate, the most pure, and this one left them all behind.  It was _visible.  from.  space_.

So now Victor’s pissed and returning to competition, and Yuuri’s pissed and returning to competition, and Victor’s clueless, and Yuuri’s not talking to anyone, and they’re both pining, and eventually Yuri contacts Phichit in desperation and the two of them team up to I Don’t Know, Fix This, Whatever ‘This’ Even Is, Things Just Can’t Stay The Way They Are Now I Know That Fucking Much.

Wackiness (and _very pointed choreography and music choices_ ) ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, I have once again committed hashtag abuse:
> 
>  
> 
> #phichit is the pride of thailand
> 
> #yuri is a blazing ball of fury
> 
> #together they fight crime
> 
> #or at least go above and beyond the call of wingmanning these two hopeless idiots
> 
> #before this is over yuri might admit that hamsters can be kind of cool
> 
> #and also there should be a scene where chris explains that it can't be rebound sex
> 
> #if victor was never in a relationship to rebound from in the first place
> 
> #and then he turns victor down flat
> 
> #because he's not sure what the fuck is going on either but he knows a terrible idea when it shows up drunk and sobbing on his doorstep
> 
> #also the katsukis totally sued the paparazzo and the magazine that published the pics and won
> 
> #the case set precedent for soulmark privacy for minors
> 
> #and that's a big part of how yuuri was able to go to university and retain celestino in the first place


	14. Random Detroit Days Headcanons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin. I have a headache and wanted to spend some time daydreaming my boys in a familiar setting. Some of it is location-specific, but most of it should be enjoyable if you're not familiar with the city. There is also a bonus shocking revelation which legit has me shook!
> 
> I want to see more authors who remember that the legal drinking age in Michigan is 19 for anyone with a passport or enhanced license (In MY day all we needed was a driver's license, poor kids)!
> 
> Also, the bit in the strip club is totally not cribbed from personal experience.

\- Although Yuuri waits until he was ready for university to sign on with Celestino, Phichit does not.  Because otherwise he and Yuuri would only have known each other for two years, and I’m sure that we can all agree that this is Completely Unacceptable.  No, Phichit goes the route of many professional athletes and completes his secondary education via an online program, arriving in Detroit at the same time as Yuuri.  Operating under the assumption that the doe-eyed fifteen-year-old is actually as innocent as he looks, Yuuri assures Celestino that he’ll be happy to room with Phichit and keep him out of trouble.  Three days later, he’s praying that his parents won’t find out when (not if) they wind up in jail.

\- Their apartment is a small two-bedroom flat just off of the campus of Wayne State University, where Yuuri attends.  It’s not a bad neighborhood exactly, but it’s not great either, and Phichit freaks out the first time he discovers Yuuri dancing alone in the parking lot in the middle of the night.  Once he learns that Yuuri is suffering from 24/7 Ice Castle/Minako’s-studio withdrawal, as well as what dancing means for Yuuri’s anxiety, he insists that they move both of their beds into the smaller bedroom and turn the larger one into a studio.  They even get one of those modular wooden dance floors to lay down over the carpet and install a barre.  Yuuri frets over the security deposit as they’re drilling holes in the wall; Phichit just laughs and says he never expected to see it again anyway.

\- The [Detroit Skating Club](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fdscclub.com%2F&t=ZDA3MzQ0MDNjNTNmM2Q0MTFlNjI5MGQ2OTlkNjgxYjljMzgwOTMwMSxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1) (I was seriously tickled to discover that this is a real club!) is about a half hour away, out near Pontiac.  Celestino picks the boys up for practice.  Yuuri is eventually able to snag a key for all-hours access, but isn’t able to take advantage of it as often as he likes due to not having a car.  He’s been known to hire Ubers when he gets desperate for alone time on the ice.  During the winter he and Phichit have been known to sneak into the outdoor rink at [Campus Martius Park](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.campusmartiuspark.org%2F&t=MTVjMWY3ZDExN2Y1NmE3Y2FlYmUzOTBlYTMwZWI4NmQyOTQ1ODI0ZCxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1) after hours.  The police are relatively sympathetic when they kick them out (it doesn’t take more than one triple axel to convince the cops that they’re not vandals), but _seriously boys go home_.

\- There aren’t any restaurants in the city that serve donburi, so if Yuuri wants a taste of home he has to trek out to Troy or Novi.  Phichit has better luck finding good Thai food.  Their favorite restaurants in Detroit are [Pizza Papalis](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpizzapapalis.com%2F&t=ZGUyNDUzZjhjOWE5MDBkMTg1MGYxNGIyNWE5NzEyNzMwY2Y4YTljNyxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1), [Grand Trunk Pub](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.grandtrunk.pub%2F&t=ODc5ODEyZWMyMmZmN2YxNWExMmE0N2ZlMWI4YmJiZmVjNWVjNzlkMyxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1), [Checkers](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.checkerbar.com%2F&t=YTg5YWZjZmU2NjY4OTc3ZTU5ZjEyYjYzZTgwZTRlMzg1ZDIwOWM1OCxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1), and the [Dime Store](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eatdimestore.com%2F&t=ZjVmZmE5YzM2NDE4Yjc4YjI2Njk5NTQ0MmE1MTFhNWEzMGQ2YjRhMixJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1).

\- Phichit’s fake ID looks better than Yuuri’s real one, but he refuses to let his friend hook him up with his own, convinced that he’d be caught and sent to Guantanamo Bay or something.  But after he turns nineteen they’re both spending most Friday and Saturday nights across the river in Windsor (Canadian drinking age, yo).  They try out Caesar’s Palace a couple times, but neither really develops the taste for gambling, and they prefer bar-hopping.  [Phog Lounge](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fphoglounge.com%2F&t=YmRmMDAyMTNhNzBhNmVkYWJkNGYyOTg2MDc3MmM5YzkxZjEwNmNjOCxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1) becomes their favorite hangout.  

\- HOLY FUCK I JUST THIS MOMENT DISCOVERED THAT THERE IS A CHINESE/JAPANESE/THAI RESTAURANT IN WINDSOR CALLED – NO SHIT – _[EROS](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.yelp.com%2Fbiz%2Feros-windsor&t=Y2VhYzE5OWIzZWEzN2RjZDJmZmI1ZTU3YzRlNjUzYTBjMGNjYzUzZCxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1) _ AND KATSUDON IS ONE OF THEIR FUCKING SPECIALTIES HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK THIS IS NOT A DRILL WHERE IS MY GODDAMN PASSPORT… sorry, back to headcanons

\- Although he’s too shy to socialize, Yuuri catches Christophe’s attention when they compete together in the Junior Grand Prix series.  Chris stumbles upon Phichit’s Instagram and he and Phichit wind up becoming friends, graduating quickly from chatting to Skype and Facetime.  The first time Chris visits Detroit it’s because he’s learned of the existence of the [Monument to Joe Louis](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMonument_to_Joe_Louis&t=NmRiNDg2NzA4ZmUzZDdlMGM4ZDY3Njg1Y2RlMGY1YmZmNTc1OTlmNixJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1) and wants a just-clothed-enough-to-be-legal photo shoot with it.  ([Thanks again, Zetal!](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Farchiveofourown.org%2Fusers%2FRodinia%2Fpseuds%2FZetal&t=MTQwZGI1YzUyMDUxYWM5ZWI0ZmJmNjFhYzQ3NjkyNzMxMjk5Y2NmMyxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1))  They wind up walking around the city and discovering a rather improbable number of vaguely phallic sculptures for Chris to pose with, and the resulting Imgur library causes a local kink group to design a “Sexy Detroit” walking tour in its honor.  The second time Christophe visits it’s for Phichit’s nineteenth birthday, when he can finally drink in Canada (legally).  Chris drags Yuuri and Phichit to [Danny’s ](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.windsor-bars.com%2Fdannys-of-windsor.html&t=OTIxNjQ0MWY5ZWFlOGM4YThlZTAyMTYyOGJjYWY2YTI2YzJlNmI2OSxJd2FQTmZjcQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AHhv1Uv37gaQN1WOHYINLHA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdroewyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F159382191297%2Fvarious-detroit-days-headcanons-train-of-thought&m=1)(well, dragging Yuuri; _Phichit_ is all for it and wants to know why he wasn’t aware there was a male strip club in Windsor before now) and paying for lap dances.  Yuuri is horrified to discover one of his rink mates on stage and starts drinking rather frantically to drown the embarrassment; this is the first time he’s ever been blackout drunk (The rinkmate notices Phichit and Yuuri, and later gives Phichit the info for his poledancing instructor.  We all know how that turns out).

\- Yuuri becomes a huge hockey fan while in Detroit.  He attends as many Red Wings games as he can afford (though he never gets over being disgusted at people throwing octopuses on the ice during the playoffs), and when WSU reforms their team in 2013 he buys season tickets.  He takes a great deal of pleasure at being the one to drag Phichit someplace he doesn’t want to go for a change.


	15. Cao Bin Facts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 100% True and Verified!

Cao Bin has a polydactyl cat.

Cao Bin sings like a fallen angel.

Cao Bin knows where the missing socks go.

Cao Bin was one of your partners in Journey once.

Cao Bin is a middle child.

Cao Bin knows kung fu.

Cao Bin knows how Latin is actually supposed to be pronounced.

Cao Bin finds four-leaf-clovers everywhere.

Cao Bin played backup base for Prince.

Cao Bin is secretly beloved of the Goblin King.

Cao Bin is allergic to strawberries.

Cao Bin has over two hundred digits of pi memorized.

Cao Bin beta reads fanfic.

Cao Bin makes perfect macarons every time.

Cao Bin claps for fairies.

Cao Bin went down a luge track on his butt once on a dare.

Cao Bin pays off random people’s layaways.

Cao Bin gives the best hugs.

Cao Bin eats his broccoli.

Cao Bin can swim the Thames.

Cao Bin collects flavored lip gloss.

Cao Bin beat Pac-Man.

Cao Bin wears mismatched socks.

Cao Bin is red/green color blind.

Cao Bin can legally conduct weddings.

Cao Bin likes bubble tea.

Cao Bin brews his own mead.

Cao Bin built a working hovercraft out of drones.

Cao Bin brought the pole to the banquet.

Cao Bin is a late-night radio DJ.

Cao Bin hand-feeds squirrels.

Cao Bin has the world’s largest gamerscore.

Cao Bin sees dead people.

Cao Bin has known true love.

Cao Bin cheats at cards.

Cao Bin has a tattoo that changes when you’re not looking at it.

Cao Bin was the inspiration for Eat, Pray, Love.

Cao Bin genetically engineered a dinosaur.

Cao Bin offers free self-defense courses to college students.

Cao Bin has never seen Star Wars.

Cao Bin wishes on shooting stars.

Cao Bin saw a unicorn once.

Cao Bin is afraid of heights.

Cao Bin likes sauerkraut.

Cao Bin attracts time travelers.

Cao Bin is good with computers.

Cao Bin has over three hundred pairs of shoes.

Cao Bin would never split the party.

Cao Bin beat Dark Souls without dying once.

Cao Bin left us when his home planet needed him more.


	16. Yurio!!! on Banquet (redux)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri Plisetsky and time travel shenanigans! If you'd gone back just a little bit further you could have not shouted at your older brother who is in mourning for his dog... sorry! :(

Time travel AU in which Yuri Plisetsky finds himself transported back to the Sochi banquet, goes OH FUCK NO I AM NOT LIVING THROUGH MONTHS OF MOPEY VICTOR AND OBLIVIOUS KATSUDON AGAIN, and spends the entire evening wingmanning the two idiots in every way possible.  He challenges Yuuri to an h’orderves eating contest in order to get some carbs into him, and tops off the champagne flutes with water whenever he won’t be noticed.  He goads Victor into including his full name when the old man hastily scrawls his phone number on Yuuri’s forearm because “what kind of egotistical piece of shit only puts down a first initial, are you seriously so irrelevant now that you’re copying that Canadian ass with the gang signs?”  He gets Yakov and Celestino reminiscing about their glory days so that neither coach notices when Yuuri manhandles Victor out of the banquet hall and towards the guest elevators.  He sends room service to both skaters’ rooms (because no way is he wandering the hotel to figure out which one they ended up in, he doesn’t fucking want to know) with pirozkhis, Tylenol, and a selection of fruit juices.  And as a last-ditch backup plan, he retrieves Victor’s phone from Christophe, forwards every single last Victuuri picture to Phichit Chulanont (hamster-boy doesn’t need the Double-Yuri Dance Off pics, and  _nobody_ needs the goddamn pole dancing), and texts THIS HAPPENED MAKE SURE HE FUCKING KNOWS ABOUT IT WHEN HE’S SOBER.

Later, as wondering, joyous, awestruck laughter peals like silver bells between the sweetest kisses, an angel that once wore the shape of a toy poodle finally earns his wings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to claw my way out of depression and back to productivity.
> 
> Tumblr tags:
> 
> #after the lovebirds leave yuri approaches otabek  
> #and demands that he dj because the guy the isu hired sucks  
> #and he doesn't want to wait a year to make friends  
> #and he briefly considers arranging some kind of meet cute between mila and sara  
> #but fuck it he's dancing  
> #and baba can manage her own goddamn love life


	17. The Phantom Thief Stole My Dialogue!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Outtake from my current WIP, which won't be showing up here anytime soon because it's the +1 of a 5+1 (because my brain is a bratty toddler and wants to eat dessert first). I'll likely be posting it to my tumblr as a standalone once it's finished, but AO3 will have to wait until the other five parts are written first.
> 
> ... Have I ever actually mentioned that I'm Droewyn on tumblr as well as here? I'm Droewyn everywhere, actually. Go say hi if you want. I'm mostly followed by porn bots, but that just means that any human interaction that I do receive makes me super happy!

Meanwhile, Eros was fussing with his costume.  Victor wanted to feel bad for him – the thought of wearing that much synthetic netting certainly made his own skin crawl in sympathy – but nobody was making the thief put on the silly thing, after all, and surely after all this time he’d have gone with something else if it really bothered him?

Then there was the distinctive rip of Velcro separating, and one of the catsuit’s faux diamonds was missing from the shoulder.  Eros barely spared the palm-sized jewel a glance before making it disappear into the depths of his outfit.  Another rip, and another, and soon he was as inconspicuous as it was possible to be in something that still looked like it had been special ordered from a fetish site. And Victor… suddenly realized that the question wasn’t whether Eros  _could_ hide a weapon in there, but rather  _how many was he likely to have?_

“All that glitters gets you pumped full of bullets and dumped in the Detroit River,” Eros said with a shrug, misunderstanding Victor’s stare.  “It’s true, but Smashmouth couldn’t get the scansion to work so they went with the other thing.”

“I can’t even see a bulge!” Victor found himself exclaiming in awe.  Then he froze as his brain caught up with his mouth.  Eros gaped at him, slack-jawed, and then the darkest flush Victor had ever seen bloomed across the thief’s cheeks, seemingly bleeding from his mask. “Um, wow,” Victor said awkwardly.  “That came out completely wrong.  I meant—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Agape cut him off.  “I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, because lord knows we’re on something of a schedule, but if you need ten minutes to go take care of your UST then I suggest you do it, because if it interferes with getting the job done I swear to god I will turn this heist around!”

 Victor blinked.  “You ess tee?”

“It means  _get a room._ Boink.  Bump uglies. Check your oil.  I’d say fuck each other stupid, but I’ve been watching you two for months at this point and while I hate to break it to you,  _that_  ship has already  _sailed_ , my dudes.”

 

 

 

tumblr tags:

 

[#i really like this bit](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/i-really-like-this-bit)

[#but it's killing the flow of the scene](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/but-it%27s-killing-the-flow-of-the-scene)

[#so it's sad but it has to go](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/so-it%27s-sad-but-it-has-to-go)

[#please enjoy it without context as my gift to you](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/so-please-enjoy-it-without-context-as-my-gift-to-you)

[#and also as proof that i am alive and actually working on shit](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/and-also-as-proof-that-i-am-alive-and-actually-working-on-shit)

[#phichit is so done i love him](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/phichit-is-so-done-i-love-him)

[#also victor can't understand how he made eros blush](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/also-victor-can%27t-understand-how-he-made-eros-blush)

[#when eros has said far filthier things to him without batting an eye in the past](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/when-eros-has-said-far-filthier-things-to-him-without-batting-an-eye)

[#the truth is because victor demanded eros cut out the flirting if they're going to work together](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/the-truth-is-because-victor-demanded-eros-cut-out-the-flirting-if-they%27re-going-to-work-together)

[#and if he can't be eros then he has to be yuuri](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/and-if-he-can%27t-be-eros-then-he-has-to-be-yuuri)

[#okay i guess i lied you got some context](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/okay-i-guess-i-lied-you-got-some-context)

[#but why detective nikiforov is working with phantom thieves is a secret](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/but-why-detective-nikiforov-is-working-with-phantom-thieves-is-a-secret)


	18. What If Victor Nikiforov Held a Skating Competition and Nobody Came?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri's pride has never been insignificant. It drives his determination and his stubbornness, and is much of the reason why he has never given up. So what happens when Yuuri's pride is just that much larger than his fanboy crush?

The last time Victor had been this proud of himself was when he ratified the quad flip, and this was just as elegant, just as perfectly balanced.  He could keep his promise to Yuri.  He could motivate Yuuri and give him a confidence boost, all without missing a single step in their dance of catch-me-if-you-can.  He could even help out Yutopia and the Ice Castle, using his name to put a spotlight on this struggling little tourist town and remind the world of its charms.  Yuri was hostile but hadn’t actually objected, which in Russian Fairy pretty much translated to giddy enthusiasm.  The Nishigori girls were already lost in the logistics of planning and marketing the event, chattering excitedly in rapid-fire Japanese.  And Yuuri–

“No.”

What?

“ _Kobuta-chan_?”  Victor’s face was a mask of polite confusion, the same expression he would affect when fans asked to touch his hair, or other, more intimate parts of the champion skater.   _I’m so sorry_ , his face said,  _but I seem to have misunderstood you.  I’m certain it’s my own fault._

“ _Don’t_ call me that.”  Yuuri was white-faced and rigid, his hands clenched into trembling fists at his side.  Brown eyes stared directly into Victor’s own, the first time Yuuri had met his gaze without flinching since he’d arrived in Japan.  Eyes dark with passion.  Glittering.  Alive.   _Angry_.  Victor opened his mouth.

“ _Shut up_.”

Victor shut up.

“You said you were here to be my coach, but now there’s a condition attached.  You flirt with me with one breath and insult me with the next.  You ban me from the ice, ignore my boundaries, use every opportunity to take away my coping mechanisms…”  Yuuri paused, fumbling for words.  “I may be a mediocre skater who got to the Final on a fluke, but that doesn’t make me a toy and I’m tired of being played with.  I never asked you to come here.  I never asked for any of this.”

Victor felt as if he’d been kicked in the stomach.  “But, Sochi–” was all he could manage.

Yuuri just laughed at him, a ragged bark of a sound, dripping with bitterness.  “Sochi?  Is  _that_ what all this is about?  Because I walked away from you?  I barely sleep for four days because of anxiety, my dog gets run over by a drunk driver, I humiliate myself and my country by performing like a giraffe on roller skates and crystal meth, and when I finally come face to face with my idol, my entire  _reason for skating_ , he can’t even be bothered to recognize me as a fellow competitor.”  His eyes, bright with tears, spilled over.  “But in the end the whole thing is all about  _you_?  You were so insulted because I turned my back on you that you decided to put together all of this to get back at me?  God, Victor, you’re such a fucking  _asshole_.”

“At the banquet…” Yuri Plisetsky sounded like Victor felt, stunned and adrift.  Victor had been so sure that Yuuri had been playing a game with  _him_ , seducing him so thoroughly at the Grand Prix banquet before disappearing for months; sending him a love letter for all the world to see, only to act utterly indifferent in person.  But this raw honesty in his voice…   _Yuuri drank so much that night._  The thought was unbidden, uncomfortable.  And it had never once occurred to Victor before.   _What if he never called because–_

Yuuri’s attention snapped to Plisetsky as though he’d forgotten the boy’s presence.  “You wanted me to retire, right?  I guess it’s your lucky day.  Victor’s all yours.”  His skates fell to the ice with a dull thump, but Yuuri didn’t spare them – or Victor –  a glance as he turned on his heel and marched stiffly out of the rink.

The triplets had evaporated sometime during the shouting.  Victor looked helplessly at Yuri.

“Now look what you’ve done,” Plisetsky snarled at him.  “I don’t know how, but you’d better fucking fix it.”  And then he was gone, too, and Victor was alone.

Again.

_Yakov?  I think I really messed up this time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to work on Ch 5 of Give Me a Reason, but this kept intruding. 
> 
> tumblr tags: 
> 
> #sorry victor you know i love you but  
> #you were such a prick in the first three eps  
> #you may have had a reason but not an excuse  
> #so good luck  
> #you're gonna need it  
> #might i suggest buying a florist


	19. Same Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the difference between microfiction and a drabble? No, seriously, I'm asking.
> 
> Anyway, here's something so short that it didn't even get a novel in tumblr tags. It started out as a simple headcanon and wound up all mushy and romantic because Victor.

"My dream is to skate on the same ice as Victor Nikiforov."

 That’s what Yuuri  _says_.  What he actually  _means_ is “my dream is to _stand on the same podium_ as Victor Nikiforov”.  Which is why shared GP qualifiers don’t count.  Or the Sochi Olympics.  Or the 2015 Worlds.  And the other Sochi competition, the one that Ever Shall Not Be Named?  

 _Definitely_ doesn’t count.

But neither do the last eight months, even though Yuuri has been  _literally_ skating on the same ice as Victor, much of it at the same time.  Has touched and been touched by Victor on that same ice, both professionally and… not.  And while Victor tells Yuuri that he understands, even  _thinks_ he understands when he forces himself to remember a long-haired boy and a room full of Stephane Lambiel memorabilia, the truth is that it’s simply been too long since he was the one looking up from below.

So as the strains of _Stammi Vicino_  fade, and they’re gasping in one another’s embrace while the crowd screams its approval, Victor teasingly whispers, “Well?  Did  _that_ count?”  The tone is light, his smirk carefully carefree.  As though the question isn’t a trust fall.  As though he isn’t afraid of eating ice.

But Yuuri’s eyes are shining and he doesn’t even stop to think as he breathes, “More than anything.”  And Victor is caught.  Again.


	20. Get You a Crispino Who Can Do Both

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This completely happened. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

Please join me in imagining Sara and Michele’s first Italian Nationals.  

They’ve both done rather well in their short programs, and are gearing up for the free.  The women are skating first, and Sara takes position in the center of the ice.  She’s mostly gone with the flow so far in her short career, letting those with more experience develop her theme and her look.  It’s why she’s paying them, after all.  So this year she’s all pink ruffles and glitter, her hair in ringlets.  She looks like a princess.  She even has a tiara.  She closes her eyes and waits for the music.

It begins.  And it’s  _wrong_.

The guitar wails like a fallen angel, and Sara freezes.  Just for an instant.  In that moment, she knows exactly what happened: someone screwed up royally.  They gave her Mickey’s music instead of her own, a medley of instrumental tracks from Brandon Lee’s  _The Crow_.  It’s not her fault.  All she has to do is stop them, get them to change the music.  They have to fix their own mistake.  Except she’s already moving, skating the program that she knows just as well as her own, dancing to the driving 90′s goth-rock as though it had been her plan from the start.  

And Sara  _loves_ it.

Downgrading the jumps, changing the element structure to play to her strengths and conform to ladies’ rules, it’s all second nature to her by this point; she and Mickey have been skating each other’s routines in practice since they were novices.  So without having to think about the mechanics, Sara is able to revel in the freedom of this dance, the boldness, the…  _not-pink_ ness.  It’s a revelation.

The crowd is on its feet as she slides to a halt.  She stumbles to the kiss-and-cry in a daze.  Her coach and the judges are exchanging terse words.  It’s a long time before scores finally appear, and she thinks they’re a little low but not objectionably so.  It doesn’t matter.  Sara Crispino is  _living_.

The problem, of course, is that two skaters cannot skate the same program in a competition.  Even if the judges were inclined to allow it, several of the other skaters’ coaches have made it quite clear that they will appeal if Mickey even attempts to skate his own program.

There’s only one thing that can be done.

Mickey takes the ice with the solemn dignity of a knight on holy crusade.  His costume is all black, cunningly tailored to look like he’s wearing a trench coat, his arms bound in ribbons meant to be electrical tape.  His black and white makeup is dramatic, perfect.

He closes his eyes and waits for the Nutcracker Suite to begin.


	21. Halloween Nendoroid Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am a grown woman who plays with dolls.
> 
> Also featuring Kinomoto Sakura and Li Shaoran.

 

 

 

 

 


	22. No One Would Surrender to the Dread Pirate Yuuri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have a Girl Genius AU drabble for Yuuri's birthday! 
> 
> 11/30 - Edited for _holy shit that was a rough first draft what was I even thinking posting it_.

The Ice Tiger was unimpressed.  “And what makes this madboy,” he gestured dismissively at Yuuri, “worth his helium?  He’s no sailor, sea _or_ sky.”

“I’m not—“

Victor smiled coolly.  “Are you questioning my judgment as Captain?”

“Yes, _obviously_.”  Plisetsky rolled his eyes.  “This isn’t the first time you’ve picked up some dewy-eyed little townie and tried to make them crew because you thought they were pretty.  No better than ballast, the lot of ‘em.”

“I’m _not_ a madboy.”

“I saw a workshop full of clanks that rival Van Rijn's work today.”  Victor’s tone was bright and friendly, his consonants crisp.  Several nearby crew members found a sudden need to work on something vital below deck.  “But if that isn't enough for you, the  _Aria_ drew the Emperor’s attention to Yutopia by mooring there.  The Imperials wouldn’t have allowed an unregistered spark to live freely once they caught wind of him, particularly one who managed to hide his breakthrough.”

“We’d’ve had an easier escape if they’d been distracted with dissecting him,” Plisetsky grumbled, but the heat in his words was fading.  The Ice Tiger might not be a spark himself, but nobody deserved what was rumored to happen in the dungeons beneath the Chrysanthemum Throne.  “Fine,” he snapped finally.  “I guess the madboy can—“

_“I AM NOT A MADBOY!”_

The remaining crew on deck vanished.  Plisetsky’s knees buckled, and he regained his footing with a snarled curse.  Victor, seemingly unaffected, folded his arms and grinned.

“Spark, then,” Plisetsky spat at Yuuri.  “ _Sorry_.”

Yuuri shook his head.  He felt somewhat calmer now that he wasn’t being ignored.  “No,” he began, “I mean, I don’t get why you all seem to think I’m a spark.  I’m not anything like that.”

Now Plisetsky was staring at him, surprise and wariness written all over his face.  “He says he isn’t a madboy, Victor.”

“I’m not,” Yuuri insisted.  “I mean, I make some things sometimes, but nothing particularly special.” He shrugged helplessly.

“Death rays?” Plisetsky asked sharply.  “Guardian constructs?”

Yuuri’s mouth fell open.  “Our ryokan is nearly four hundred years old!” he exclaimed, aghast.  “Paper walls and ancient timber.  Do you have any idea what damage guardians could _do_ to Yutopia?  Never mind anything explosive.”

The Ice Tiger shot a meaningful look at Victor.  Strong sparks tended to be just as territorial as the average hippopotamus, and twice as deadly.  This townie might have a little bit of command harmonics to throw around when his temper stretched thin, but if he wasn’t interested in defending his home…

Victor’s grin grew wider, and he quirked an eyebrow right back.  _Wait and see_ , his smirk promised.

“Besides, it was so much easier to add a poison gas shunt to the onsen-powered heating ducts,” Yuuri concluded.  “After that, it only took a year or so of dosing the inn's meals to build up everyone's immunity.  It's completely harmless to my family and our regulars now.  And, of course, to Yutopia's traditional architecture.”

Plisetsky let out an undignified squawk.  “You mean we spent an entire day hanging around inside of a deathtrap?”  Yuuri nodded serenely at him.  “And you could have killed us all at any time?”

“Oh no,” Yuuri shook his head.  “Yuuko was planning to come by for dinner.  She has very young children; it wouldn’t be safe to start exposing them to the toxin for at least another six months.”

“No, of course not,” Plisetsky replied numbly.

“Although you were quite rude to my mother, and I could have asked Yuuko to visit next week.”

“Please allow me to tender the _Aria's_ heartfelt apologies for any poor manners my crew displayed during our resupply,” Victor said smoothly.  “In the meantime, Yura…” he tilted his head meaningfully in the direction of the crew quarters.

Plisetsky barked a laugh.  “Yeah, sure.  Fine.  Of course.  Follow me, madb—“ Yuuri opened his mouth to protest, and the Ice Tiger thought better of it.  “C’mon, _ballast_ ,” he said finally.  “I’ll find you a billet.”


	23. Yuri!!! on Thanksgiving: More Fun with Nendoroids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Remind me, _lyubov moya_ , why exactly are we celebrating American colonialism again?"
> 
> "Because our American rinkmates insisted on a cheat day even though it's in the middle of the competition season, and out of fairness Celestino let Phichit and I off our diets as well as long as we did it with turkey?"
> 
> "Fair enough! Pass that weird orange stuff with the marshmallows on top. It looks amazing."
> 
>  
> 
> Guest-starring Kinomoto Sakura, Li Shaoran, Link, and Navi.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MAKKA NO!

 

 

 

 

 

MAKKA...YES?

 

 

 

 

 

BONUS:

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if anyone actually enjoys these photosets, but as this entire tumblr dump is basically masturbation anyway it's so self-indulgent... SORRY NOT SORRY


	24. Happy Birthday, Victor!  (Also Merry Christmas, If You're Into That Sort of Thing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone woke Yuuri up too early...

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus:
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>   
> 
>    
>     
>  
> 
>   


	25. Peer Pressure Isn't Acceptable Even If The Person In Question Is A Funny Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is something I wrote as a reblog response to a fanart image in which Phichit, Chris, and Victor try to press glasses of champagne into an anxious-looking Yuuri's hand at Barcelona's banquet. It's a very well-done piece of art. It's supposed to be funny. I personally found it deeply upsetting. I won't link it here because I'm not interested in sparking controversy or argument, but I did like the piece that I wrote and would like to preserve it.

“Hey assholes, Katsudon said no, so leave him the fuck alone already!” Yuri glared at the silver medalist’s so-called friends. The joke had maybe been funny for like six seconds, but the other skaters had pushed it far beyond that into uncomfortable territory. Chulanont should have picked up on the rapid flickers of Yuuri’s eyes and the subtle hunching of his shoulders, even if the old man didn’t, but then again, both of them had drank enough to make this seem like a good idea in the first place, so…

Giacometti quipped something in French. Yuri didn’t understand the language, but “l’enfant” was close enough to the English to figure out its meaning, and he flipped him off on reflex.

Katsudon had started stammering something conciliatory, and Yuri was having none of it. At this rate, the idiot was going to let them get him wasted in order to avoid making a scene, and that was a bigger load of horseshit than Leroy on the podium. Yuri grabbed him by the hand. “Come on,” he growled. “Let’s dance.”

“What?” Katsudon blinked at him.

“Dance. Off. Now. You owe me a goddamn rematch.” 

Chulanont whooped with glee and the geezer dropped a full flute of champagne – literally just set it down in midair like an astronaut forgetting gravity was a thing – in his rush to pull out his phone. 

And Katsudon – didn’t look anxious anymore. There was gratitude in his eyes, and a growing mischief, as well as a sharp focus that Yuri had last seen right before Yuuri skated Eros at Rostelecom. “You want me to remember wiping the floor with you this time?” he grinned at Yuri.

“You fucking wish,” Yuri snarled back amiably. The tepid hotel banquet music cut off, and he looked up just long enough to see Otabek flash a thumbs-up from the DJ booth. Then the beat started, and there was nothing left but movement and laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr tags:
> 
> #loved the art but i had to
> 
> #because consent matters
> 
> #i feel bad about being a buzzkill
> 
> #but yuuri canonically hates being out of control
> 
> #particularly in front of other people
> 
> #and yeah
> 
> #his friends are not being good friends here
> 
> #so i wanted to give it a happy ending
> 
> #and any time yurio gets to be a tiny foul-mouthed angel of joy is the best time


	26. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor takes Yuuri home to St. Petersburg.

This wasn’t happening.  It had to be a dream.  A very long, very _vivid_ dream.  It was the only possible explanation.  And yet…

The doorman who greeted Victor warmly before turning a curious eye on Yuuri seemed solid enough, as did the uniformed operator (an actual elevator operator!  Who even _had_ those?) who piloted the lift to the penthouse.  The penthouse lobby with its silk ferns and tastefully generic art was too ordinary to be a hallucination.  Probably.

Makkachin threw herself at the only available door, straining the leash in her excitement to get inside.  Victor chuckled indulgently, maneuvering around the excited dog so that he could fit his key in the lock.

Yuuri knew exactly what he would see when the door finally swung open.  Victor’s apartment had been featured in a number of magazine articles, some of them even printed outside of Russia.  The modern, minimalist décor, the loaded bookshelves, the Edison bulbs that dangled from the ceiling… all nearly as familiar as a ryokan in Hasetsu, a shared apartment in Detroit, even if he’d never set foot in it before today. 

Never _expected_ to set foot in it _at all_.

Victor wasn’t exactly wriggling with joy the way that Makkachin was as they entered the flat, but he looked like he wanted to.  His eyes kept flickering between Yuuri and his furnishings, as though he couldn’t believe that Yuuri was really there.  As though _Victor_ was the one who was ascending to fanboy heaven.

“Well?” he asked finally, as Yuuri could only look around himself with wide eyes.  “What do you think?”

What did he _think_? 

Yuuri met his fiance’s gaze.  Smiled with all the love in his heart and breathed, “What a classic, tiny common area!  ...Where’s the rest of it?”

The look on Victor’s face didn’t _quite_ make up for a certain nude, _standing,_ introduction-and-coaching-offer, but it was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr tags:
> 
> #phichit could have told victor that one of the dubious 'benefits' of being close to katsuki yuuri was access to his bottomless wellspring of sass
> 
> #he WOULDN'T have
> 
> #but he COULD have


	27. Happy Half-Off-Chocolate Day Eve!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More fun with Nendoroids!

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr tags:
> 
> #i haven't bought v-day gifts in close to two literal decades
> 
> #and yet i bought all this stuff for yuuri
> 
> #(except the car)
> 
> #(i borrowed the car from my dad)
> 
> #yuuri deserves it though
> 
> #he is the best boy
> 
> #i wish my yurio nendo had come in so he could be facepalming in the background
> 
> #because what the actual fuck victor
> 
> #i still can't believe i looked a cashier in the face and bought a chocolate man with my real grownup money
> 
> #my husband called me out on objectification
> 
> #which
> 
> #fair
> 
> #BUT COME ON


	28. Look, Mom!  I Can Write A Soulmate Thing That Isn't Angsty!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From a tumblr prompt: a soulmate AU where you have a black stain where your soulmate is supposed to touch you for the first time and it turns to millions of colors once they do.
> 
> Source: http://droewyn.tumblr.com/post/172878533022/claroquequiza-zaiyofics

“Congratulations on your bronze,” Victor murmured from the top of the podium, his voice somehow clear over the noise of the arena.  His black lips were curved into a smile that had never graced any poster Yuuri had ever seen, those blue eyes locked on Yuuri’s own soulmark-stained mouth.  “A medal at your first Final is a wonderful achievement.”

Yuuri knew that his face was red, but surely it could be excused as adrenaline left over from his near-perfect free skate, or excitement at having placed.  It certainly wasn’t because he was staring up at the gold medalist’s face, simultaneously twelve years old and twenty-three, the urge to flee and keep a decade’s worth of hope alive warring with the need to take that one single step and finally _know_.  “Th-thank you,” he whispered finally, remembering actual human manners before his silence became too obvious and awkward.  “It’s an honor to stand on the podium with you.”

“Aren’t you curious, though?  I must admit that I am.”  A gloved finger reached out to brush against Yuuri’s lower lip, gently.  Tenderly.

Intimately.

In front of thousands of people.

“Here?” Yuuri squeaked, jerking his chin in the direction of the stands.  The audience was oddly hushed, though the flashes of cameras and mobile phones sparkled from all directions.  “ _Now?_ ”

“Why not, darling?” Christophe Giacometti was clearly enjoying the command performance that the silver medalist’s platform had granted him.  “We all want to know.  Be a good boy and lay the rumors to rest.”

Oddly, it was Chris’s accented English, so different than Victor’s Russian-laced purr, that snapped Yuuri out of his paralysis.  He probably should have been grateful.  He shot Chris a glare anyway.  “Don’t help,” he snapped.  Chris grinned back, unoffended.

“It would be such a surprise, though,” Victor continued talking to Yuuri as though they hadn’t been interrupted.  “The romance story of a century.”

“Or a farce.”  Yuuri’s voice was tart.  “The humiliation of a lifetime.”

Victor hummed.  “It’s true that it might be difficult to live down being proven unworthy of such beauty and talent,” he mused, and Yuuri winced.  It might be nothing less than the truth, but did Victor have to be so _blunt_ about it?  “But I’ll do my best to go on living anyway.  I might need to drown myself in Jimmy Choos and puppies, though, so please let me down as gently as you can.”

Yuuri’s jaw sagged open.  “I—what?” he spluttered.

Victor chuckled, and the sound was warm and rich, with no hint of mockery in it.  “We’re both people, with hearts that can break, _Yuu~ri_ ,” and Yuuri decided right then and there that he would give anything to hear Victor say his name like that again, “and we’re both lonely halves of a whole.  Will you let me find out if we can fit together?  Will you trust me to do that?”

Yuuri was already shaking his head.  “No,” he said.  The hope on Victor’s face vanished, along with that strange, personal smile.  But Yuuri wasn’t finished yet.  “No,” he repeated, “You look like a prince from a fairytale, but I don’t even have a role in that kind of story.  I’m sorry.  I won’t let _you_ kiss _me_.”

Before Victor’s eyes could do more than widen at his words, at the meaning in them, Yuuri reached out, grasping for the gold that dangled from Victor’s neck, pulling it, and the champion, down to his level.  Victor stumbled a little, his knees buckling on the way down, but Yuuri was there to catch him.  Victor fit into his arms like he belonged there, blinking up at him with something like awe.  Yuuri hesitated.

“ _Ganbare_!” A voice from the crowd, filling the silent arena as only Minako-sensei’s dance instructor bellow could.  Yuuri laughed, then closed his eyes and covered Victor’s mouth with his own.


End file.
